were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
