i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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