i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
