i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
