You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
