worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
