I looked at my own cervix.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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