between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
