he told me I talked like a deaf person
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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