I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
