LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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