Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
