when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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