well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
