well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
