That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
