How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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