so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
