i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
