Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
