i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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