she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drake has all the answers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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