oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
