its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
