last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
your like the ambassador to my penis.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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