he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast