So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
