Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
