I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
