fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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