who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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