Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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