So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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