My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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