On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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