you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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