Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
