Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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