Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
