remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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