I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize