If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
