i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
