You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
