Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
