it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
