Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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