Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
