Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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