I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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