The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
