when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
