Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
