Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize