We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
