don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
