Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
