i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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