Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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