yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
