Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
