an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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