wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
