Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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