i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
