Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had sex on a roof
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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