Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
