RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
