My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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