Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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