She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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