i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
