was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
