Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize