you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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